Welcome to the Additional Material page for The Energy Of Forgiveness, Chapter 10.
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In this chapter, we talked about the concept of the behavioral learning process, which progresses from unawareness through awareness through imagining new behaviors through trying the new behaviors to developing new behavioral habits. Have you observed yourself going through that process? Write down two or three examples. Was it difficult or easy? Did you feel frustrated or accomplished?
Think about two or three things that you’ve been upset about recently, write them down. Now, for each thing, what is your story about it, and what is it about that story that you find upsetting? Now try modifying the story just a bit, especially the bit that you find most upsetting. Lets say for instance that you’re upset about someone cutting you off in traffic. Your story is that they’re an aggressive driver. Now try changing the story such that the driver just remembered something they’d promised someone else and had forgotten to do. How does that change the way you feel about the incident? The change in the story doesn’t have to justify what the person did, what you’re looking for is whether there’s a way to change the story so that you don’t feel the negative energy. How is the new story different than the original one? Is either one accurate? How do you know?
The additional material for Chapter 7 included a description of EFT. Did you try out EFT for yourself? How did it go for you? Have you used it for something you need to forgive?
Think about something you regret doing that affected someone you no longer have the ability to communicate with in order to apologize. It might be someone from your earlier years, it might be someone who has passed, or it might be someone who would not be receptive to your communication or apology. Write this person a letter of apology, describing what happened, why you are apologizing, and what you think you could have done differently. If you don’t think things could have been different, apologize for that too. Your letter can be relatively short, like two or three paragraphs, or it could be as long as you need it to be. Once you’ve written the letter, roll up the letter and burn it in an appropriate receptacle such as a fireplace or chiminea. How does that feel, now that you’ve apologized? Remember, apology is for the apologetic.
Now, think about something you need to forgive. Write a letter of forgiveness to that person (or object, or whatever!). Describe what happened, how it affected you, how it harmed you, and how you have felt about it. Then tell them (or it) that you have forgiven them, that you have released the event and now moved on. Now that you’ve written the letter, how does that feel? If the person is accessible and receptive, you can either give them the letter or just speak the forgiveness to them directly. Be prepared for them to respond poorly – it doesn’t matter how they respond, what matters is that YOU are doing the work of forgiving. How they relate to it is about them, not you. If they are inaccessible, or inanimate, you can just burn the letter as with the apology.
Another technique is this. Arrange two chairs sitting across from each other, close enough to sit knee-to-knee. Sit in one of the chairs, and imagine – really imagine – the other person or thing in the other chair. If it’s not a person, imagine that whatever it is has personality and can understand what you are talking about. Now go through the same process as the letter: tell them what happened in your perspective, why it upset you, and so forth. Then tell them or it that you forgive them. Now think about what just happened – how did you feel? What was it like to SAY “I forgive you?”
You’ll need a balloon for the next exercise, preferably fairly large balloons that will blow up to about 12″ in diameter. If this is a group exercise, everyone should have their own balloon. Go ahead and blow up the balloon, fairly tight. Hold the end of the balloon so that the air doesn’t escape. Imagine all the hurt and negative energy surrounding whatever it is that you need to forgive is contained in that balloon. Feel of the balloon – squeeze it a bit between your hands, while holding the air inside. Feel the tension in the balloon? That is the tension in your body, holding in that negative energy, the negative emotion. Now just let the balloon go. It will fly around the room making noise, and land limp on the floor. The energy is released. The tension is released. How do you feel about the issue now? Write it down.
Remember to send me your comments on the additional material! Did you have new insights? Were the exercises helpful?