Welcome to the Additional Material page for The Energy Of Forgiveness, Chapter 9.
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Do you know anyone who is unforgiving, or seems angry all the time? Write down who they are – two or three people if you can. One of them might be you! If you are in a situation where you need to be discreet, write down something that connects to that person for you but someone else wouldn’t understand the connection.
Now for each of those people, think about how the unforgiveness or anger affects their life? How do the people around them respond – are they attracted or repelled? If someone is attracted, what do you observe about that person’s personality?
How would you describe that person’s life: is it easy or difficult? How so, and why?
What is it that this person needs to forgive, and why do you believe they have trouble forgiving the whatever-it-is? If they are angry, what is it that they are angry about? Anger is always built on a foundation of fear – so what is it that they are afraid of?
How would their life be different if they could forgive whatever and whomever it is they need to forgive? If they’re angry, how would it be if they could forgive whatever it is they’re angry about?
Have you ever touched or picked up something really really hot – more than 700º F? When I was in high school and college, I created a lot of iron “junk” sculpture out of various hardware like nuts and bolts, nails, screws, spark plugs, bits of sheet metal and so forth. I even sold some of it in the “drag” market just off Guadalupe St. in Austin, across from the University of Texas campus. Most of the sculpture was welded together using an acetylene torch, by partially melting the two pieces being welded together, and adding a bit of filler welding rod which was just a 3/32″ diameter steel rod – about the size of lead in a #2 pencil. I had a personal rule to only weld from one end of the rod – because once the rod had cooled below red-hot temperature I couldn’t tell by looking at it that it was hot, so I couldn’t tell by looking which end of the rod to pick up. Occasionally of course, I would mistakenly weld from both ends of the rod, and then eventually I would end up picking up the rod by the end that was almost-but-not-quite red hot. When that happened, I could feel the vibration of the water in my skin boiling, and the rod would leave a white, scorched mark on my fingertips. And yes, that was painful.
Imagine that hot end of the rod being unforgiveness. Would it be better to forgive quickly, or hold on to it for awhile?
What type of damage does unforgiveness do? Do you forgive quickly as a result, or do you hang on to it for awhile?
If you are in a group setting, try this exercise: Have two people sit next to each other. Let’s say Bill and George are our participants. Tell Bill, “Keep George in his seat as best as you can – without being abusive of course.” Now tell George “get up and stand in the corner”. Observe the struggle for a few seconds. Now tell Bill “Bill suddenly you need to go to the restroom. Remember, you must keep George in his seat.” Does Bill get to the restroom? What would happen if Bill really did need urgently to go to the restroom? After the two have struggled for a few minutes, ask them how they feel – are they refreshed or tired? Since this is a mock exercise, everyone has probably been laughing quite a bit. Imagine what this would be like if there was animosity between the two?
Have you ever had a late or missed a loan payment? What were the charges related to the payment being late? What happens if you miss two or three payments? What about six payments? What are the costs of missing the payments? Are there costs that don’t directly have to do with money? Is it better to pay off the loan sooner or later? How does that relate to forgiveness? How is the cost increased for withholding forgiveness?
Here’s an exercise you can do in a group or alone. If it’s in a group, only one person needs to do it, the rest can observe. Fill a glass half full of water. You probably think we’re going to talk about the glass being half-full or half-empty, right? But it doesn’t matter, see, because the glass is refillable! No, what we’re going to do here is fill the glass just half full, and then hold it with your arm straight and horizontal out to the side of your body. How does that feel? It’s not too heavy is it? Now keep holding it out there and watch the clock. Don’t let your arm sag, hold it straight out! Can you hold it out for 10 minutes? 5 minutes? When you absolutely can’t hold the glass any longer, you can put the glass down. Now observe how your arm felt just before you put the glass down. If you’re in a group, talk about how that felt. Then observe and discuss how it feels now that the glass is released. How does this exercise relate to forgiveness? What happens over time as you hold onto something – does it become easier or harder? Less painful or more painful? What can you do about that?
Here’s another group exercise. You’ll need two pairs of people, and two one-dollar bills. Give a dollar to one of each of the pairs. For the first pair, have the person with the dollar smile and give the other person the dollar. The other person throws an angry fit, wads up the dollar, and throws it in a (clean) garbage can. Now, have each person in that pair talk about how they felt about what happened. How did the giver feel about the way the receiver acted? How did the giver feel about the dollar? How did the receiver feel about the giver? How did the receiver feel about the dollar?
Then, for the next pair, the dollar person smiles and gives the dollar to the other person. This time, the other person lights up, dances around with the dollar, gives the first person a hug and loudly thanks them. Have each person in that pair talk about how they felt. How did each feel about each other and about the dollar, as in the previous exercise? Would the dollar-giver in the first pair be likely to give another dollar? How about the second pair? How would the attitude and response of each receiver affect what they received in the future? How does this exercise relate to forgiveness? How does the reaction encourage or block the flow of money to the recipient? Now go retrieve the dollar from the garbage can.